Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dont Play These Games

A low-status game may be known to be terrible or perhaps it’s cutesy or it lets you disappear into another world. Whatever it is, this low-status game is enough to make your friends, your coworkers and your fellow gamers want to hit the reset button on knowing you. If anyone sees you dominating Madden, they’ll not only get you, they’ll respect you. Hell, they may even fear  of your skills. However, what if someone sees you playing one of those games that cause people to cringe, shudder and question our game choice? These are low-status games. This is my list of low-status games that you shouldn’t let others know you play. Or, just hide yourself well : )

# 10 Wii Fit

Sure, it’s a fun game on Nintendo’s Wii and it has been advertised as a great way to get some exercise, but… Seriously?  Lose hours playing Wii Fit and those who know you will run like hell – and not virtually either. You’re a man and you get your exercise with weight-lifting in a gym or beating the other team on the court. You risk losing your status by bragging in the locker room about how much body fat Wii Fit has told you you’ve lost.
Dont Play These Games!

# 9 Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2

This is how you get your gun off? If you want to really hunt, grab your gun (or, even better, a bow) and head out into the woods. Chasing digitized deer in the virtual woods is lame and you deserve the raised eyebrows you’re going to get for doing it – especially if you wear camouflage while playing this low-status video game.
Dont Play These Games!

# 8 Hasbro Family Game Night

Yes, when you were a kid you pulled up to the dining room table and played Battleship, Boggle and Connect Four. You were also still wetting the bed. Hasbro Family Night (and Family Game Night 2) are great video games for the family. See the word “family” in the title? But you don’t want to sit in front of the big screen playing with Mr. Potato Head on a Saturday night. Don’t risk your fellow gamers’ respect boasting about your achievements in Bop It against the Xbox 360.
Dont Play These Games!

# 7 Tales of Vesperia

There’s not enough that can be said about how annoying this game is. It is a blend of extremely terrible voice acting, anime and Final Fantasy/Pokémon/Monster Rancher. Players run around gathering up a band of heroes and chasing creatures all while your character constantly says what they’re going to use next in battle. There’s some plot about ancient technology and imperial knight… blah, blah, blah… You get swag rights in killing the Covenant or blasting the undead hordes, but powering up your big-haired pointed-ear Akira-knockoff while fighting a praying mantis is lame. Tales of Vesperia is cool if you’re 8, weak if you’re 20 or 38.
Dont Play These Games!

# 6 Rayman: Raving Rabbids

No arms, no legs and you still wonder why this game pulls your status down? Rayman was once considered a new and innovative hero, but that was, what, like 10 years ago? Now, no one knows what the hell he is (is it even a he?). Ubisoft’s Rayman: Raving Rabbids puts the titular hero against a race of giant, evil rabbits. So why does playing this cute game take your credits down? Because, once again, no arms and no legs and you’re fighting rabbits. These evil bunnies dress up like ninjas, pirates and French maids, and yell with red eyes when they attack. In today’s world of cyborg super-soldiers and ninja assassins, there’s no room for what little space freaky Rayman and his bunny enemies take up.
Dont Play These Games!

# 5 Superhero movie games

This category includes, but isn’t limited to, such titles as Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Fantastic Four, etc. Truth is that every guy wanted to be a superhero growing up. So when a video game comes out, of course it’s a great chance to slip on tights and save the day. However, when you spend hours playing the crap video games that are pumped out in time for summer blockbusters, you quickly lose gamer cred. Be a weak-ass superhero behind closed doors.
Dont Play These Games!

# 4 Sims

Life is hard, yes it is. But is it really so hard that you need to hide in a make-believe version of the real world? You look extremely lame to your fellow gamers. You better not dare go into the office pumped up or saddened because your Sim has a problem. There’s no pride in your day being affected by how your virtual life is faring. Your friends and fellow gamers will realize you’re a huge loser as you play your “life-simulation computer game.” Want to build a family? Get off the damn game console and PC and go find a girl and have some kids. You’re losing status, man. There’s no practice for living life.
Dont Play These Games!

# 3 Leisure Suit Larry

Wow, a game in which you get to sleep with fake women. Dating back to the late ’80s, Leisure Suit Larry lets you play as Larry Laffer, a balding, pudgy bachelor, in his 40s always on the electronic prowl for pixilated poonanny. Even he has low status. The game series has the player trying to get laid all the time, and you usually fail. So you want to spend time trying to have sex only to get rejected by a game? This game makes you a loser because you’re wasting time virtually wasting time trying to get some. Go out there and at least try to pick up women in real life.
Dont Play These Games!

# 2 Pokémon

Any game with a Pokémon in it drags you far below the bottom of the barrel. You’re not an 8-year-old boy living in a world of anime animals. Keep your Poke-playing completely and absolutely to yourself. If your friends find out that you spent the weekend capturing yellow rabbit creatures that throw lightning and you did this willingly, you may have any Xbox Live and PS3 friendships revoked. Make damn sure you also get rid of your trading cards that you surely have hidden somewhere.
Dont Play These Games!

# 1 World of Warcraft

If your biggest achievement of the day is that you’re a Level 20 Undead Tauren Warlock, you may want to keep this to yourself. While Warcraft and WoW are impressive games, losing yourself in an imaginary world of gold, Lich Kings and orcs will drop your status with a quickness. Like the Sims – you spend so much time trying to build up your make-believe rank that you lose your real-life status. Sure, the Blood Elves may quake with your name, but spending hours playing World of Warcraft is like putting a giant “L” on your forehead and a “Kick Me” sign on your back, gamer.
Dont Play These Games!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...